The Sky never was the Limit...with God: to let it Go

10:02 PM

to let it Go

Etched by Isaac

the past 3 weeks have been, for a lack of better words, Confusing and Confounding.

It's not the academic content of the course (which is definitely confusing AND confounding), but it's more of what I've been going through, which has more to do with a testing and a realisation of my own faith and purpose, and how it all fits into Christianity.

You have to first of all understand that we humans were CREATED by God. Yes. Created. Now I had no problems with this because I've pretty much been a born and bred Christian. Unfortunately, the irony lies therein. There was a lack of thirst and hunger for the truth, or more of a void of desire to know more about this awesome God which I worship every single moment of my transient life.

I have this course which I attended, and still am attending called Two ways to Live, to blame for all my current troubles. Actually I have to thank God for leading me to this course for it has indeed opened up my eyes to a lot of things which I took for granted and never bothered to enquire more about before. It has in that sense changed a great deal of my perspective and also influenced how I walk with God. It is for this reason that every day now is different. It is just simply absolutely different.

Now why is it different? Before this, I was simply a normal Christian, possibly substandard, now that I have some clear standards to compare myself to - to take up my cross every day and to deny myself (which means to DIE to myself and surrender ALL to Him every day), and to Follow Him.

Now this may seem like a Christian spouting a sermon but this was, is and still is and will be a fresh revelation for me - that everything is part of God's Plan, and that the Plan is to Unite all things of reality in Christ for the Glory of the Father. Logically speaking from the secular point of view, that makes absolutely no sense. And yes, because the ways of God are not the ways of Man. After all, God MADE Man. Can you expect a computer program to understand how its programmer programmed it?

In short, I was deeply moved when my eyes were opened and I started to question many things and get answers from various sources, most notably the Bible and pastors/Christian leaders. It isn't that I never knew.. it's more of that I didn't really realise. The full impact didn't hit me. Now it has. And so I live each day knowing that God has planned everything and I just need to Love God, Love my neighbour as myself, and to Love each other in the Church. And I need to walk with God and grow closer to Him. I need to become close enough to call God my Friend, and also Heavenly Father. It makes no sense to the human that God can be our Friend and Father, but that is the way it is.

God is good. All the time.

As I look back at the journey along which I have been over the years, I see now that everything was most accurately planned out all along from the beginning, though I never knew it at that time. It is most definitely the work of God orchestrating every event. HOW He does it, I have no idea, and don't hope to ever understand, for He is Indescribable. No amount of words would amount to even part of God, for He is Holy, LORD God Almighty whom we will bow down and worship and fall flat and just worship everyday and sing praises to and adore everyday every moment in Heaven. Heaven will be awesome. But am I ready for Heaven?

the Conundrum makes itself known. Because the Bible clearly states that we are to go forth and spread the Good News and to bring in the harvest of souls for the extension of His Kingdom, and to do that, we have to be thoroughly equipped with the Sword of the Spirit, so where does that leave us in the aspect of the balance of how we live our daily lives?

I have to admit that I have never studied the Word of God anywhere as much as I have pored over academic books. I am guilty of this offence. However, if I had not been studying that much, I wouldn't end up with this scholarship with which I am now studying at IMU under the umbrella of the Malaysian government, and so I wouldn't have had the opportunity to join Two Ways to Live, and so I wouldn't have realised (at least with the particular course) that there was so much revelation I was missing out on. Roundabout story but yeah.

I blog to let out stuff and to throw up my own insights for the purpose of keeping myself and others informed of what's going on here in my life and what God is doing. It helps that nowadays people don't really read blogs, so I get to have a pretty private blog right Here. Lol.

Anyway I have been struggling with all the revelations over the past few days especially, and I thank God for Jia Yi - my discussion/debate partner in Christ and my father, who has been extremely patient with me with my incessant questioning.

I don't know very much about medicine despite having been in the course for about 2.5 months now. I thank God for the many gifts He has given me and I know that I have to use them to glorify Him, and that means that I really should start studying. I passed my previous formative assessment without studying a single bit. It's like THANK YOU GOD but at the same time sobering because I know that I cannot handle it by myself. *pauses to think awhile and reflect*

AND.. I foresee myself not studying for the next formative assessment, which will be this coming Friday. Perhaps just a little. My day consists of taking the LRT and studying in the LRT. Those two sessions in the train are practically the ONLY times I study besides listening in the lectures and while I edit my notes before printing them out. Oh and my time is largely occupied with editing the notes so they are clearer and better formatted so I can print them 8 slides to a page. It's an obsession but I believe it will pay off in the long run when I actually revise with the notes.

I am using a S-LED Printer by Fuji Xerox and I just bought my second toner cartridge today - RM189. Much pricier than what most of my coursemates are using - pirated canon MP258 for which the refills are RM10 a bottle. A compromise for substandard quality though. I am investing in my notes. And I'm blogging from my very own Laptop! Thank God for ASUS. The laptop is absolutely AWESOME. And also my Phone.. all of which have left my bank account dry and broken into pieces.. at least until the next allowance comes in.

I thank God that IMU is easily accessible by LRT, so I can save on accommodation and dinner. I probably have the cheapest lifestyle of an IMU student. I scrooge on lunch - averaging RM2.50 a meal. Basically it's very different from what others are doing. By definition, students in IMU who aren't on scholarship have to have about half a million ringgit at least to be spent on their education alone, so yes, they have to have some kind of financial backing. But thank God for His grace and mercy. To not compare myself with them takes phenomenal strength and willpower but He is always good.

I also thank God for the fast internet in IMU. Downloading stuff is very much easier now, with the average speed I get of 200kB/s compared to at home, but hey, I'm not complaining. =)

In retrospect, life is indeed very Good. I just need to pray and continue to work and to find the balance and at the same time, ask Him for Peace.

to let it Go. It here refers to my desires, my plans, my dreams, my hopes and my longings. Everything I've ever wanted to do or aspired to do. All I purposed myself to do. I need to realign. REALIGN with what God wants me to do. It's that simple. But not so simple to do. But He'll guide me I'm sure.

On a lighter note, there's BADMINTON tomorrow! =) can't wait to run and sweat. Lol.

Random Pics.

Huan De and I