The Sky never was the Limit...with God

Ramblings and reflections of one growing in stature and wisdom and in his walk with God :)

9:04 AM

My thoughts.

Etched by Isaac

On life as a medical student in Brighton:

I question my existence. I question the need for my being here in the UK to study medicine. I question the usage of taxpayers' money to fund my education here. I think it would be better spent not sending me here.

My reasons? Mostly because most of what is done here is to prepare medical students to become foundation year doctors in the UK's NHS, which is perfectly appropriate, but in my case, I'm to join the MOH back in Malaysia, which means I have to learn everything here in the system that's practiced here (this means the whole healthcare system, culture, patients, language/slang, diseases, and environmental factors) for three whole years, then go back and re-learn everything in the way healthcare is done back home, which is quite different. Not that I don't relish the challenge, but I really think I'd be a more efficient use of money if I was in IMU Seremban - by now I'd be in 4th year, not restarting 3rd year, and seriously the culture back home is a lot tougher on medical students, hence producing tougher doctors (my opinion, most others would disagree). Here it seems that small achievements are rewarded with big praise. Pretty much the exact opposite of what it's like back home. I do not like celebrating mediocrity, simply because it sucks. Harsh but true.

However, I struggle with myself - I have not studied anything since the end of Semester 4 exam, I kid you not - that's sometime April 2013, which was over one and a half years ago. It's a miracle I can remember 75% of the anterior abdominal wall anatomy which the registrar quizzed me on today in the surgical theatre. I need to buck up and start reading, again. I will not be a mediocre medical student. I shall not. I will not.

Where is the passion?
Perhaps it died, along with most of the passion for life, sometime back. I don't know.

The passion for life is back, however, with a vengeance - it seems that if I leave my mind to wander and do its own stuff, I'll end up never studying anything related to medicine. I could be a full-time photographer if my mind had its way.

But I digress.

I'm here to study medicine, graduate and go home.
And I actually can't imagine life any other way; I wouldn't want to be a professional photographer in real life. I just like it as my hobby. It's nice to create beautiful images, documenting life the way I envision it.
And there's that something about being able to be directly involved in helping people get well. Even if it takes the life away from us, like burning our shortening candlesticks to light the candles of others.

I just need a little push perhaps.
I have everything I need to graduate here; I just need to mix it all up in the pot and turn on the fire.

Turn on the flame.
Let it bubble away.
Let it burn with zeal.

On life in Brighton:

I like the church here. It's small, cozy, fuzzy and nice. The people are really nice too of course.
I got to play the keyboard for service last Sunday! I'm quite thankful for the opportunity to do so.

My observations regarding behaviour of people is that in general, an English British person will be less nice / more mean than a non-English British person. Perhaps this is veiled racism. I don't know.

However, there are really nice people as well, so it balances out I guess.

The incidence of nail-biting is pretty high here; I've seen about one in ten people actually bite their nails in front of me - this includes students, lectuers, doctors, nurses, and the general public. My goodness.

Skyping with family and friends has become a highlight of the week now. It's fun, but reality strikes when I look at the clock and realise I haven't done my studies.

Food-wise, I'm becoming slightly lazier now. I throw together dishes that I can keep in the fridge to reheat for meals, with bread or potatoes or rice.

Money-wise, I thank God for my new housemate. Thank you! I now have enough to survive comfortably. Not enough to fly here fly there but enough to not worry about not having enough, if that makes sense. Oh, and I did buy that fisheye. Hurrah :D my tripod purchase will wait until I really need one.

My housemates are great and great fun. Times are good now.

I get to play badminton roughly once a fortnight, which is good exercise. I've found out that the only way for me to sweat over here is to exercise with a jacket on. If I'm not in a jacket, or double layers, I just don't sweat, even if I exhaust myself over two hours of relatively intense badminton.

The temperature is dropping and the wind and rain have emotional issues. My trusty Fulton is still holding up strong, hurrah.

I now possess an amazing set of headphones, thanks to a kind IMU senior who sold them to me for £10. 7.1 Dolby surround sound!!

On my emotions:

It takes time to get over stuff.
Am still grappling with stuff.
Stuff doesn't seem to go away.
Emotions can see-saw quite quickly.

I seem to be going crazy at times, but that's normal.
Cik Hasmawati once said, "Jangan biasakan perkara yang luarbiasa,".

I should listen to her.

On my photography:

It's improving, at the expense of my studies.
One day, this fine balance will be upset.
Time to carry out homeostasis.

Now for pictures. =)

--In pink scrubs. --

-- My haul from the library book sale. £1, £2 and £3 from top to bottom. Some gluing required but it's all good now. --

-- Secret Stash of Super Stuff --

-- The congregation of minifigs worships as well. Arranged by the pastor's son. --

--Today I pretty much decided I had had enough of theatre for a day, so I popped in to the Clinical Skills Department and asked whether I could practice my suturing (I had previously asked the scrub nurse in the theatre the same question and concluded that I would have better luck in the AEB). One hour and twenty minutes and three suture kits later, I had this! Am very happy with the final outcome, after how hopeless my first suturing session was. I can now do it with both hands! Finally figured out how the knotting works. However, one-handed reef knot work still stumps me, but that's a problem for another day. --

-- I really like my knife. --

-- The day Nat and I skyped and I was outside the bank, and we were saying "Meletup!" and laughing away like mad people. That was really fun. --

-- My new shoes. They're really comfortable, but still the old ones seem nicer to me. Hmm. --

-- I hosted Shereen for a weekend. I daresay we both had a lot of fun. I certainly did. She's now back in KL. --

-- In the cold wind on the Pier, going "Oooooo..." (for Olaf) --

--One of my best shots from the BSMS PhotoSoc photowalk. Poor minion. --

-- A picture with Daniel Hadley. He's a nice guy who's into photography, cooking and baking. --

-- I went out in the rain to take pictures. --

-- Emo much. --

-- Managed to catch Oliver for a picture! Really like his demeanour and how he phrases stuff. --

-- There was a day when there was a nationwide NHS protest, linked to wages. --

-- Got a picture with two Davids. That was good. --

-- What my lecture theatre looks like through a fisheye lens. --

-- "Where will the winds of life take you today?"

-- Caught Nadia for a picture when I bumped into her at a bus stop. --

-- The interior of Barclays Bank. Impressive. --

-- My new headphones! Thank you Julian for the great deal. Hahaha! --

-- The microphone works wonders for Skype --

-- We have a throne in the lecture theatre. --

-- I went on a Digestive-buying spree because there was a sale at the co-operative and I have a NUS Extra card. That card is saving me a lot of money. Hahaha. I buy eggs and milk from there too now. --

-- The day I made this for Nages because it was Deepavali. I literally ran around town collecting the herbs and spices before cooking the dish and running to church. But it was a good effort and the dish was well-received. "British Indian" qualified. Hurrah. =D --

-- Centrechurch's Flag. --

-- Had a dinner with the Christian Medical Fellowship people (CMF) at a place called Pinocchio. --

-- Potato spree once more. Potato with beef. --

-- There is a great plan for these scrubs. Heh. Hahahaha =D --

-- Behind the scenes for my "The world is round" shot. I had plenty of fun, just getting to my perch for the shot. --

-- A not-so-round world. --

-- A long exposure shot with the fisheye, for a wider angle of view than my 12-32mm. --

-- Punchy and Strong. --

-- My Amazon order came! Amazing stuff this is. --

-- I proceeded to try once more, to recreate the Australian experience. Tastewise, it came quite close, but obviously I'm not on holiday in Sydney with good friends, so part of the experience can't be recreated. Ah well. --

-- Timepieces I have now. I bought the carabiner-style watch for hospital use. So far, it's been holding up well. It was a good deal I think. £8.80, original price was £20. It's built like a tank and feels solid. I miss the times when we used the smiley face watch back in Sem 5. Good times. =D --

-- My Crocs came to the store finally in my size after I ordered them. This is a long term investment for all my theatre involvement up till I end my medical career £36 sigh. --

-- The Potato-lympic Rings. --

-- Nages' package arrived from home, and we had some murukku. =D --

-- I caved in and finally bought the double chocolate digestives, AND the nice chips. The chips are all gone now... --

-- I went for a Panasonic Brighton photowalk, with the latest gear from Panasonic. I got to try out the Leica 15mm f/1.7! On a GX7, which was great. And they gave us the memory card (Lexar 16GB Class 10) to keep too, which was awesome. --

-- The assignment was to get silhouettes against the sky. --

-- "What's the time?" --

-- "Free-riding" --

-- "Fenced" --

-- Reflections. --

-- Finally, a panorama I stitched from three photos, of the Pier at sunset. --

Through all this, yes, God has been good. He's always there. Always waiting. Although I definitely don't deserve it. Have to learn from my mistakes and move on.

4 opinions:

Alien Magician said...

relish the experiences :) if it's any consolation to you, we here in seremban wish we could be in thy place as well haha. the grass is always greener no??

Isaac said...

lol don't worry, I'm pretty clear about what most people want I think. =P experiences here are good. I just need to start studying. Hahaha. But thanks =)

Alien Magician said...

don't we all :P i feel dumber everyday lol. but ho-hum. how's the weather been lately??

Isaac said...

dumber everyday seems to be the trend :D haha. The weather, i think it's winter but temperature-wise it's the same. Hovers around 7-9 degrees roughly. Lol