The Sky never was the Limit...with God

Ramblings and reflections of one growing in stature and wisdom and in his walk with God :)

10:14 AM

Overcoming Depression

Etched by Isaac

"Father, I thank you for all that You've done in my life - for everything that has happened, whether good or bad. I thank You for always providing for me even though I don't deserve it. I pray that You'll bless Mummy, Daddy and Gordon and myself oh so much, and that You'll enlarge our territories, and that Your hand will be with us, and that You'll keep us from evil. I pray for favour with You and with men, and for blessings to be upon our lives, so that we may be a blessing to others." 

This prayer has been my prayer for a long time now.

Now it means even more.
I am struggling with what I think is depression. It seems interesting to monitor myself slipping away but it's time to wake up and realise that I need to do something about this.

What caused it? I believe it's a combination of a few factors - I'm still not over Vanessa, winter is cold and dark, and Brighton is just too expensive to live in, on my allowance. I think that with all that put together, it's surprising it took me this long to start being depressed.

I am currently in London and have been for almost a week now.
Living here is actually cheaper than in Brighton, with rent, bills and groceries being cheaper. My allowance is that of a non-London sponsored student but my living expenses are that of a London student. I have enough to cook for every meal, but I find myself counting every shopping basket I handle. Things shouldn't have to be this way. I can't help but compare my situation to the other sponsored students - they have enough to go explore Europe and here I am counting pennies, sitting in the cold because I can't afford to pay the bill for gas for heating. Since we moved in three months ago, the heating has been turned on for maybe less than 24 hours. After doing the math (adding my allowance together, subtracting the house rent, bills, deposit, and other necessary items, and removing everything that I bought that is not a necessity from the equation) I have about £57 per week to live on for the first six months in the UK. In comparison, a Brightonian on a job-seeker's allowance receives £73 per week, for not working.

I just find it ironic that I'm finding life cheaper in London.
From discussion with the other sponsored students, I have come to the conclusion that I (and Nages) am at the bottom of the financial spectrum - lower living allowance rates and higher living expenses.
The other end of the spectrum has bills + rent equal to less than half my rent alone. It's just plain sad.

I know I sound like I'm complaining, but I just want to let myself complain for once, because I don't think I have enough faith this time. I doubt myself. I know God is good and He provides, and I can draw upon Him, but I have this to deal with. Am I being tested? Perhaps. I don't know if I can pass this test. Do I have faith the size of a mustard seed?

Yet in these times, I still give my tithes and offerings. I'm not writing this here now to boast but to remind myself that although I don't know whether there's enough to survive on, I take that £88 and put it in that offering bag, by faith, because I believe that my God is an awesome God and that He will provide, although I walk through the valley of the shadow of death every day and the Devil is out to get me, what with all the drama in my life over the past six months.

Here I declare, that my God is good, and He is bigger than the challenges I face, and He will provide.


and although it's cold, i hope to see snow one day, and maybe go for a holiday somewhere in Europe, maybe when i have more money. 

Christmas lunch in Tooting Broadway :D with the crazy ones.

 Christmas Dinner in Tooting Broadway!
 Halfway through the Boxing Day crowd-braving actions.
 Managed to meet Xavier! Such a long time.
 At Winter Wonderland today, with more friends. =)

Blogging helps.
Now to get life back on track.
God is good.

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